I've made so many good changes this past year by following through on the promises I made to myself on my last birthday. I've been fairly strict with my paleo diet and have lost somewhere in the range of 30-45 pounds as a result. I wasn't able to go to CrossFit consistently because I was literally too sad at times to get out of bed, but the therapy skills I've been working on this summer have really gotten me to a place where I'm optimistic about my ability to reliably attend CrossFit three to four times per week. I'm very optimistic about the way my body could look, this time next year, if I can follow through and be consistent with eating healthy and working out. I did not do very much physical activity at all during my college years, so I'm excited to get my body into the best shape that it's been really since my freshman year of high school when I was running a five minute mile. Even my approach to and interpretation of paleo has been different. I started out just making paleo substitutions for normal things, e.g. almond flour based pancakes with heavy dousings of maple syrup: 53g of carbs and sugar per serving. A typical breakfast for me nowadays involves avocado, bananas, and almond milk hot chocolate because I'm that kind of person.
Career life is interesting. I'm working forty hours a week in a bank, but I'm also basically working twenty-five to thirty hours a week in retail at Polo Ralph Lauren. My Ralph Lauren checks go straight to a separate bank account to pay my tuition expenses for Georgetown. I'm working very hard on education and certifications, so I can get to the sectors of the banking and finance industry where you can actually earn horseloads of money, with potentially no ceiling. I spent most of the past year working on my GMAT and on admission to Georgetown, and now I'm working on my CFA, graduate degree, and DALF certification in the French language. I know that my sense of dissatisfaction with my current cirumstances sets me apart from my other coworkers and makes it hard for me to bond with them in probably the way that would be ideal. I really want to put an emphasis, however, on not blaming myself for the aspects of my life that are lackluster. That's one of the lessons I've gleaned from therapy. Believe in yourself, love yourself, and assertively advocate for what you want in life. What I want in life is to reconnect, as much as possible, with the life track that I was born into, that I kind of rebelliously swerved off of when I moved to Utah and converted to Mormonism, and that I'm working very, very hard to get back onto. I don't think lowly of any of my associates, but I do think highly of the life path I know that I've diverged from. That's a very dialectical statement, but it must be true--I want it to be true. I passionately want my life to be different, but that does not mean I have personal disdain toward my present community.
By age 30, I very well could be living in New York City, if I want to. Or any city. It's really just up to me. I think one thing I struggle with right now is accepting that as hard and as productive as this one year has been, it still will probably take several more years of the same kind of progress--probably accelerated now that therapy is giving me some control over my sadness--before I will have created the kind of life that I really want for myself. Staying in Utah for at least two more years would probably be wise. Two years from now, when I've graduated from my master's program, would be a great opportunity for a clean break from Utah and moving somewhere. I've loosely considered moving to Washington DC for my second year of school, but I don't know that that's anything more than a pipe dream right now. A year is a long, long time, and I'm about to begin another one.
I have two, potentially three, birthday parties planned for this year, which is a big improvement from last year. So hurray for that.