I'm thinking about the experiences of some of my peers and friends among Georgetown alumni and the experiences they've described to me about their own career search and lives during and post-Georgetown. I have some friends who left conventional corporate/government job life and became entrepreneurs. Some used their degree to leverage an advancement track within their own companies, and some used their degree to transition companies and industries. That's basically all the options I know of. I suppose another option in there is to pursue academia. I really wonder which option among those paths is the right thing for me to do.
Georgetown has definitely passed from one initial stage, where the subject matter was more subjective, to a new stage, where the subject matter is increasingly quantitative and impartial. It's funny to say that, because I mean the whole program is about numbers, right? But when I reflect on my experience of taking Georgetown tests, I see a lot of verbal reasoning, a lot of hunching over a paper trying to think logically and formulate verbal explanations for phenomena in capital markets, in the market for derivatives, and in corporate finance. This econometrics class is the first class where I really feel like we are switching to pure quantitative reasoning and using the other side of the brain. There is one right answer and there are many possible wrong answers based on the correct or incorrect application of mathematical formulas.
Completing the past year of working hard, studying, and entering the finance world from my humanities background has so far been a fascinating and challenging experience. It's opened the door of the finance world and given me an opportunity to begin to shop myself around to different potential jobs and industries. Nothing so far has been the right fit. At least, I view each rejection as a sign that I'm not quite meant for that field of work. I'm someone who believes quite strongly in destiny, fate, and in the possibility of life revealing itself to me and revealing myself to myself. I really couldn't tell you right now what outcome I see for myself at the end of graduate school or what field of work I feel the most aptitude for.
I'm definitely entering a new stage of life with regards to health, which was the main reason I originally started this blog. Mentally, I've developed a very strong sense of self. I know who I am, and I've learned to balance feelings of charity with feelings of self-interest. Physically, I've just lost so much friggin fat over the past two years. I feel and see my abs, I have strong biceps, triceps and legs, and I'm overall just a lot stronger.
What I guess I'm inching toward is that for the first time in months, I don't feel a compelling sense of certain knowledge about exctly what it is I want to do in life. I don't quite see myself becoming like the older adults around me. I feel like I'm different from them: in the way I think, in the way I act, in the things I read--generally, in who I am. Although I have a safe, comfortable path to paying for and completing graduate school by staying with Wells Fargo, I don't particularly feel inspired by the job position that I'm in or the kinds of promotions that decision-makers seem to believe that people in my position are qualified for. I don't particularly care about customer serivce, and I don't see much value in listening to people complain to me about their banking problems all day. I want to do something else in life. I feel underutilized and misutilized in my current role.
I think there's a lot of shame I feel about saying that, but it feels good to finally express the words. If there's anything I've learned so far in graduate school, it's that there's a whole wide world out there and that I can do just about anything I want to do by setting my mind to it. Here's to keeping my head down, passing thorugh the world in a peaceful manner, and building up some savings during 2018. I don't know that there's very much I'm going to be able to do this year besides preserve the momentum of the path I'm already on. Hopefully I can use this time wisely, though, because next year will be a time of a lot of ambition and change. I don't want to live a wasted life. Just because Park City is the first place I've ended up in after college doesn't mean that this is where I'm meant to be for the rest of my life.
So I want to make good decisions that will let me go from point A to point B and end up somewhere that I'll be happy and fulfilled. My path isn't as simple as other people's with simpler lives, but I ought to live it and enjoy the experience of being who I am. It's unfortunate that I have to potentially spend one or two more years doing work that 'm not necessarily a good fit for, but it's even more unfortunate that there are people out there who don't even have jobs at all. I ought to learn how to deal with a work life that is practical but is not perfectly ideal. This is, believe it or not, a very important lesson of adulthood, and my experience in that respect is not too different from that of many of my peers and mentors.